The paper will explain the health complaints processes available in Australia and New Zealand and will focus on the vital importance of excellent communication skills for health professionals, particularly those providing cancer services. Using information gleaned from consumer complaints and provider responses examples will be given of poor and excellent communication. Personal experiences of having breast cancer will be explored. The legal needs of people experiencing cancer will be described as will cancer quackery, and how we can regulate the snake oil salespeople. The issues are serious but that won't prevent this speaker from using a great deal of humour in the presentation.